If you want to demonstrate your fealty to Donald Trump through the medium of branded merchandise (and who doesn’t?) there are ample ways to do so. You can pick up a Trump bible and some of Melania’s lovely “Vote Freedom” jewellery. You can stay in one of his hotels, golf in his resorts, and get yourself a Trump watch. You can buy some of the Trump-branded cryptocurrency that has made the family extremely rich. You can also, as announced on Monday, buy a gold Trump smartphone for just $499 and use Trump mobile as your service provider for $47.45.
I know what you’re thinking. All this is wonderful, but where are the Trump-branded home goods? How can I demonstrate my loyalty to the president while cooking stew in my kitchen? Well, I have great news. Because capitalism is relentless, the Instant Pot brand is coming out with a Trump-inspired design. (Instant Pot, if you’re not familiar, is a pressure cooker that gained a cult-like following several years ago, then went on a downward spiral when it was bought by a private equity firm.) The company is apparently planning various products emblazoned with “Make America Great Again”.
According to Semafor, a portion of the profits of the Instant Pot collaboration will be donated to the “Trump Presidential Library”. At least two other home goods companies are also reportedly planning Trump-related releases, with profits being donated to Trump’s library. These include a tableware and collectible items company that has proposed plates with Trump’s face on them. Another company is thinking about a “Mar-a-Lago” and “White House” sheets collection. So you can really get into bed with the government.
It doesn’t end here, does it? I imagine product development teams across the US are in brainstorming mode right now and we can look forward to more Trump-adjacent products with profits donated to Maga causes. Perhaps some enterprising confectionery company will come out with ICE cream: with every purchase going towards deporting an immigrant. Supplement companies could start selling red pills. If Elon Musk gets back in Trump’s good books, perhaps we’ll get Musk-branded contraception: guaranteed to never work, to help his pro-natalist plans. And, considering Trump’s purported nickname (“Trump Always Chickens Out” or Taco), Taco Bell surely has scope to get in on the action.
